Traffic Zen

Traffic Zen
Hyperventilating this morning while an overstuffed yard worker in an overpacked pick up truck decided to cut me off, I came up with these zen techniques to deal with traffic:

1. Cover your head with vaseline and spray Sprite out of a spray bottle into your eyes until you can hear Gypsy music from the stinging sensation to come.

2. Nervous eating, make sure you have a three layer cake sitting next to you and can dig in with your free hand.

3. Burn a disc (or six if you have a six-changer) of reversed Simon and Garfunkel songs mixed to a techno beat. Then scream "I'm A Daisy!" at the top of your lungs until you can no longer speak.

4. Play the "Can I hold the steering wheel this way?" game, crissing and crossing your hands on the wheel and cutting off other cars, see which angles and positions cause the most problems and blog about your results.

5. Wake up at 3:30am