Travel: A Frustrated Guy Wishes Scientists Would Stop Dinking Around

Who can I call and complain to that I've never been to Paris? Seems like everyone you meet has a special someone that they'll "always have Paris" with. I get it, it's love, it's intense attraction in one of the most romantic and sensual cities in the world, I don't say anything. But really, it bugs me that I haven't gone myself and fallen in love for a short while only to be ripped away by circumstances. And I know they've got great cheese too.

So who can I call? Because honestly it's a travesty that we've developed tooth brushes that can clean your entire mouth with a flick of a wrist and a AA battery but haven't found a way to send people from one part of the world to another that costs less than "OH CHRIST!". And now they're developing travel for people who want to go into "space" for a few minutes and then come back to Earth. But only people who can get back to the ground and buy the entire state of Wisconsin if they wanted it.

We made it to the moon already, why not Los Angeles to Chicago in less than 5 hours? I've met some kids who are going to be working at NASA, and honestly believe the culprit is their lack of hygiene and the constant flow of reruns of C.S.I. If these guys were getting laid more often, there'd be 20 minute flights to Munich leaving the Florida Cape every five minutes. Instead they probably spend twenty minutes a day doing actual work, and the other seven hours formulating the perfect combinations of mana and armor for their simultaneous World of Warcraft and Magic, The Gathering battles. The real pros do it on paper, you know.

I beg you to accept the fact that my mind does not work as literally and rationally as your mechanical thought processes and judgment calls command, but I am able to see through bullshit a little easier. I don't get as hung up on details most of the time. So let me be clear, I think it's f-ing ridiculous we can't travel faster. That we rely on burning fuel. And that we can't get some f-ing peanuts on a seven hour flight, after it's been delayed, without owning a credit card.

Want me to tie this in with current events? How about there's oil in the ocean. That sucks. Get me to Europe before the next Volcano please.